Accept Your Pain, It will Hurt Less
You are upset—understandably upset—about your current situation. Your emotions are running high. Your spouse just did that thing that annoys you more than anything. Someone just cut you off in traffic. You got yelled at for something that wasn’t your fault.
You want to explode, you NEED to explode, but you resist. You fight the negative emotions with a strong teeth grit and try to move on. You’re on edge now, but at least you didn’t shoot the bird at that car that cut you off – this time… It’s not unusual for people to resist their emotions when they think they are wrong for feeling a particular way. However, emotions can’t be wrong—they just are.
Acting upon these emotions could go wrong, but the emotion you’re experiencing is not wrong. Fighting how you feel about a current situation brings an even greater amount of distress. This dilemma is so common that a formula was formed long ago:
Pain x Resistance = Suffering. Translation: fighting against (or resisting) the reality of the pain in your life creates suffering.
People not only resist emotions that they feel, but they also attempt to “resist” inherent traits.
For example, you struggle with not liking parties and big social gatherings. You think something is wrong with yourself for feeling this way (a judgment supported by Western culture). But the reality is, there is nothing wrong with not enjoying big parties. There is nothing wrong with being introverted.
There are many benefits that come with introversion, such as being able to develop even deeper and more intimate (though fewer) relationships. Accept the mystery and beauty of your introvert-ness and live in the way that is true to you. Don’t let cultural norms define and control you!
Rather than resisting what is reality, and so creating unnecessary turmoil, you would be wise to learn to accept your true authentic self and all the emotions that accompany.
People who live authentically are in touch with their inner experience—such as their likes, dislikes, interests and value—and are happier in their relationships and achieve a greater inner peace. Listed below are a few steps that are helpful in achieving this inner peace:
Begin by accepting your current reality
Your situation is what it is. No amount of wishing for something different or rejecting the situation (or yourself) will change anything. However, by facing your problem, you can at least begin to address it.
Choose to be accepting and compassionate to your experiences
No one ever healed from a blow to the head by hitting themselves there again. The same can be said of emotional pain; that is, self-criticism about some difficulty won’t resolve that problem. In both cases, the way to heal and move beyond the hurt is to accept it and find ways to nurture the wound. More specifically with psychological pain, acceptance and compassion are essential to heal and to free yourself to nurture greater personal growth.
Plan for a better future
If you are unhappy with some aspect of yourself or your circumstance, you would benefit from planning for the change you would like to see—even as you accept and nurture your current self.
Develop supportive friendships
No one gets through this world alone. At some time or another, we all go through rough patches in life and can benefit from the support of good, caring friends.
Bad things will happen and negative emotions will be experienced. How you respond to them defines your character and quality of life. You can choose to sit in denial and inner turmoil, being paralyzed by the weight of it all, or you can choose to rise up from the pain and make the most of the person you were created to be.